--You Survived... doesnt Mean is O.V.E.R....--

I sit crying

Looking through the dirty window to the sand on the ground.

I won't admit anything...even though she now knows everything.

Suddenly I think, NO more lying...

I scream out my confession...she already knows

~

My icicle tears fall to my hands

She's known what I do to myself for years now..and hasn't said a word

She begs to see my scars...and I cry and beg for her not to want to

I am more than ashamed

The shimmer in my tears is the only thing I have left

~

And now what happens?

When the stars won't come outside

When the moon is hidden behind

your father screaming at you for what you've done

Saying that you should "stop the bullshit attention getter and get your lifeback together" Another remark from your dad's once loving lips

~

The tears flow now as fast as my blood does

And I'll just go sit and cry in the rain

And wait for you to care for me.......

~

And I'll ignore my own cries

and watch myself die

I hold back my silver tears

From my silver friend

~

I've now revealed it all and I have nothing more to hide

I now have entered the stars

They invite me to join the mascarade

They have to celebrate me

That I told the purple truth

~

So sick of lying I'll stare and maybe smile

Into my rose colored night

~

~~I've survived my life~~

~~I've survived my love~~

~

But I haven't recovered from the silver friend

Becuase i'm drowning in my old silver tears
~

~~Erika January 29th, 2000~~

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~http://vinland.org/scamp/institute/poem36.html